This is just beyond brilliant.
As you surely recall, Mario Batali was one of the MANY men exposed for causing sexual harassment in the workplace amid the revolutionary #MeToo movement. While the celebrity chef eventually apologized for his bad behavior, he also oddly supplied a cinnamon roll recipe in his mea culpa note.
This apology move shocked many, inspiring one writer to even try out the recipe — and roasted Batali the whole damn time. For her blog, The Everywhereist, Geraldine DeRuiter detailed the process on making Mario’s sweet cinnamon treat.
However, for every direction, she found a way to call out the 57-year-old for including the recipe in a SEXUAL MISCONDUCT APOLOGY LETTER.
Let’s just say her commentary is pure perfection. DeRuiter started her piece with:
“Batali is not the first powerful man to request forgiveness for ‘inappropriate actions’ towards his coworkers and employees. He is not the most high profile, and he is ostensibly not even the worst offender. But he is the only one who included a recipe.”
Geraldine tried to follow the food expert’s half-baked recipe, but found that the directions were “sparse on details.” On the suggestion that bakers could use store-bought dough, DeRuiter quipped:
“I make my own. Because I’m a woman, and for us there are no fucking shortcuts. We spend 25 years working our asses off to be the most qualified Presidential candidate in U.S. history and we get beaten out by a sexual deviant who likely needs to call the front desk for help when he’s trying to order pornos in his hotel room. Donald Trump is President, so I’m making the goddamn dough by scratch.”
You tell ’em, girl! She continued:
“It’s a savory recipe – incorporating white wine and a generous amount of salt – and I feel like he’s shoe-horning it into a dessert where it doesn’t belong. He’s cutting corners because he gets to cut corners.”
Amid the jabs at Batali, Geraldine also shared her own personal experiences with sexual harassment. After writing about sprinkling cinnamon sugar and the process of tightening up the roll dough, DeRuiter revealed she once had a coworker make lewd comments about her when she was an intern AND shared that one peer “walked his fingers across [her] lap” as she worked.
Ugh. Despite the serious content being addressed, DeRuiter’s piece caused SEVERAL laugh out loud moments. We found ourselves chuckling at the moment when she realized the recipe caused her cinnamon rolls to have a “fucking erection.” Genius.
Overall, the cinnamon rolls were NOT impressive, as Geraldine admitted:
“I was right about the texture – the dough is too tough. I hate them, but I keep eating them. Like I’m somehow destroying Batali’s shitty sexist horcrux in every bite. I remind myself that is not how recipes work. That isn’t even how dark magic works.”
DeRuiter ended her letter by calling on her readers to put a stop to the victim blaming culture we’ve witnessed. She concluded:
“Batali’s another drop in the bucket. He’s not the first, he certainly won’t be the last (he already isn’t). The misogyny runs so deep that the calls now come from inside our heads. We blame ourselves. We hate ourselves. We wonder if our skirts are too short, if our bodies are too noticeable. If we’re asking for too much, or not enough. We don’t trust ourselves, even when we should.
We try to follow a half-written recipe and think it’s our fault when it doesn’t work. We need to undo an entire humanity’s history worth of hate against women. Apologies are a good start. Just skip the goddamn recipe.”
Someone get this woman a cooking show — STAT. But, seriously, we’d watch her take down the patriarchy while cooking any day!
You can read her FULL post HERE!!